


quell a storm with pen and ink

by patroclux



Series: quell a storm with pen and ink [1]
Category: Original Work, The Light Between Oceans (2016), X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Closeted Characters, Declarations Of Love, Deutsch | German, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fear of Discovery, Lighthouses, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-World War I, Romantic Fluff, Self-Doubt, Slice of Life, keeping secrets, really gay, romantic lighthouse keeping scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-01 09:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 7,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11483742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patroclux/pseuds/patroclux
Summary: Charles had spared his life. That was not something he could easily repay.They wrote letters to each other for two years, until Charles was pulled out of the war from a sudden illness and Erik remained to fight for a cause he didn't believe in. One that ultimately had no effect; one that stole away four years of his life.Traumatized and persecuted, Erik applied for a post at Janus, a lighthouse in the middle of the Irish Sea. He thought being alone would do him good.Despite the letters and despite the love, Erik didn't expect Charles to find him.





	1. humble beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik whittles, Charles wonders. They both track the drifting clouds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

“What _are_ you making?”

Erik smiled softly up at Charles, knife carving down another section of wood.

“I’m not sure yet.”

Setting the project aside in the grass for now, he fondly coursed his fingers through Charles’ hair, deliberately lengthy in contrast to Erik’s, neat and short. Lying back, Erik sighed, gaze traveling up to watch the clouds drift lazily across the sky.

They stayed like that for quite some time, Charles’ head on Erik’s stomach, their fingers loosely intertwined. Finally, Erik made note of the hour and said, however reluctantly, “I should tend to the light.” He looked down at Charles. “Care to come with me?”

Pulling his coat back on, he led Charles over to the eighty-something steps up to the light. Erik was more experienced, but they shared lightkeeping duties as well as they could manage. Tonight, Erik let Charles set the light ablaze.

It was a tranquil evening. Erik spent most of it whittling steadily away at his project, Charles curled into his side switching between reading and watching Erik’s elegant, deft hands. Eventually, he fell asleep, and Erik gently carried him to bed. He glanced out the window to check that the light was turning, and let a sleepy Charles tug him down into the sheets.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	2. distanced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles reflects on all that's happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

Some days, Erik was distant.

Charles had to remember that Erik had fought in the war for two years longer than he, and hadn’t had a home to return to. The war was how they had met in the first place. Erik, wounded – a slight limp he still carried around with him today – had been struggling to find somewhere safe to address the issue when he’d rounded a corner and nearly walked into Charles.

 _“Nicht schießen,” Erik said, in German._ Don’t shoot. _And what was Charles to do? He wasn’t a man for war. Every moment of his enlistment had been hell – it was like that for every soldier, but Charles took no perverse pleasure in killing – and he always had mercy where his comrades had none. He’d been told more than once by far more decorated men than he that it would get him killed._

_Charles slung his rifle across his shoulder and shoved Erik inside an adjacent building, where he kept a wary watch as Erik hurriedly dressed his wound._

_“A bullet,” Erik explained, in surprisingly fluent English. “One of yours, I think. It hit something and shattered into my leg.” Charles voiced his concerns about infection, was surprised when Erik merely shook his head. “If I’d left the pieces in any longer, maybe.” He stood, unsteady for only a moment._

_“Wait –” Charles grabbed Erik’s arm, astonished that he was turning to leave already. At Erik’s halting expression, all Charles said was, “There are British troops out there. If you leave now, they’ll kill you.” Erik, unarmed aside from a pistol with three bullets, wouldn’t stand a chance against a squadron of British troops. “Stay here.”_

_“With a British soldier who could kill me if I turn my back on him? I don’t think so.”_

_“Look, it’s either you take a chance with me, or get killed the moment you step foot outside that door. Your choice.”_

Charles was glad, even months and months later, that Erik had chosen to stay with him. He had been uncertain, and neither of them had slept, but Charles had shared his rations with Erik.

_“I like you,” Erik stated, deep into the night. The crickets and slight breeze made it feel peaceful. Charles was dozing off, but startled himself awake at the sound of Erik’s voice. His accent, while clearly German, wasn’t as thick as Charles was used to. He wondered where Erik had learned to speak English so well, amid war. “You’re an honest man. And – thank you, for not killing me.”_

_Charles laughed. “I have no reason to kill a man just trying to survive.”_

In the end, they had exchanged addresses of post offices in the towns they were stationed in. They had sent letters back and forth for two years, each becoming desperately more intimate and personal, before Charles was pulled out of the military due to a sudden illness and Erik remained until the British won, and his people were slaughtered. It was a miracle they had managed to keep track of each other.

Some days, Erik was distant. He had every right to be. Charles understood very well what war did to people, and supposed there were days where he was just as withdrawn as Erik was today. He resolved to let Erik have his quiet, and sort things out, and return after setting the light as he always did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	3. overwhelmed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik watches the tide come in and out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

Erik stared out at the horizon, listening to the sounds of the rolling, roaring ocean. He had spent most of his day like this, leaning against the railing, the unlit light behind him, watching the tide rise and fall. Today was one where everything was just on the fence of overwhelming.

He was hardly aware of the ache in his legs from standing too long. War had worn tiredness out of him. As it grew dark, Erik let out a shaky breath with something of a note of finality in it and set the light to turning. He took his time walking back home to Charles, knowing walking would help him calm down.

The moment he walked through the door, Charles cast a silent question at him, to which Erik merely nodded. He came up behind Charles, arms looping around his waist, and kissed the side of his neck.

“I’m okay, Charles.”

Charles’ soft smile warmed Erik’s day considerably.

Charles had asked, the first time they’d met in person after the war had ended, if Erik held him responsible for what had happened to his people and country. At that point, Erik had already been stationed at Janus for six months. Erik had laughed, shaken his head, and replied with a definite, “Of course not.” They hadn’t discussed it since. Erik often made it very clear that he didn’t blame Charles for anything that had happened during the war, simply because it wasn’t his fault. They were of the same ilk. Never men for war.

Charles took Erik’s hand and they sat in the deep window well for a bit, listening to the drizzle of rain outside. A storm was picking up, much to Erik’s lament.

“Will you have to stay with the light tonight?” Charles asked, quietly. His fingers were tracing absentminded patterns on Erik’s chest.

Erik sighed, lifting his gaze to regard Charles, then the rain battering the window. “At this rate, yes. Come with me?”

Smiling, Charles’ hand moved down to fiddle idly with the ring on Erik’s. “Where else would I go?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	4. trivial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles wonders some more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

Erik planted himself at the lighthouse’s small desk, parallel to the window facing the open sea, keeping an eye out for signals. He made notes of the conditions in the massive logbook, filling in the date and time. Charles admired how unwaveringly dedicated he was.

Next week, they would have been on the island an entire year together. They had a ten-day leave beginning with a brief evaluation from the Commonwealth to see if the pair of them were still up for tending to the light, and then they would begin another six-month stint out here. Supplies were delivered every three months, but other than that, they were alone.

“Erik?”

The keeper turned in his seat a little, keeping a steady, searching eye on the sea. “Mm?”

“Why did you decide to come out here?” Charles knew he had asked before. He asked often. Erik’s answer tended to change.

“I felt like I needed to be away from everything, just for a while. I didn’t think I would be much suited to civilian life after the war. Too much noise. Too many trivialities.” Erik’s gaze finally drifted from the stretching storm of a sea to Charles, occupying the only other chair in the tiny space. “That changed when I found you here, though.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	5. letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of Erik's letters, from after the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

_Charles,_

_I have no way of knowing if you will receive this letter, but I’m writing it regardless._

_I’m sure you know by now that the war is over. My hometown was flattened. As far as I know, my parents are long dead. I have not heard from them for long enough to make that assumption, and I cannot reach them. I’m not sure that I would want to, even if I could._

_I’ve heard that the Irish Commonwealth needs a new lighthouse keeper near a small town called Kilclief. Strange as it sounds, I’ve decided to apply. It’ll be quiet, at least, and that’s all I need._

_Don’t know why I’m writing this. Just to let you know where I’ve gone. I owe you that much._

_Love, Erik._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	6. acacia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles is steadfast where Erik wavers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

To think that after just one night spent in each other’s wary company, they had continued conversing via letter – quite illegally, Charles mused – and here they were. Friends. Lovers.

They weren’t exactly a traditional couple. For one, there was hardly such a thing as a man marrying another man in the twentieth century. The rings they wore on their fingers had been exchanged last Christmas, but were taken off and stowed in pockets around anyone else.

And then there was the fact that Erik was German. His people had lost the war. That didn’t make any difference to Charles, but to everyone _else_ , he would only ever be a monster. That accounted for too many of the reasons Erik had moved all the way out here. No one knew who he was, no one knew what he’d done, and if he kept to himself and kept to the light, no one would bother him.

“Why did you come with me?” Erik countered Charles’ question.

“Because I love you.”

Erik didn’t look satisfied. “There must be more to it than that.”

“Erik,” Charles admonished him, “ _I love you_. That’s all there is to it. I love you. I love being here.” He shrugged. “I don’t need anything else.”

Shifting his gaze back to the sea, Erik fell into silence. It only lasted a few minutes before he added, “I’m German, Charles. I fear that you’ll leave me because of that.”

Charles was at his side in an instant, hand gently cupping the side of Erik’s face so that their gazes had no choice but to meet. “Erik. Nothing – _nothing_ – can change the fact that I love you. It doesn’t matter if you’re German. It doesn’t matter how many people you’ve killed, because I’ve killed just as many. You’re a good, honest, gentle man, and I wouldn’t leave you for anything.”

Erik swallowed. Looked away. “I’m sorry.”

Charles laughed, always light and easy and – calming, tonight. “I’m afraid I harbor the same fears.”

They sat close together for the rest of the night, keeping a watchful eye on the storm.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	7. eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walks on the beach and talk of marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

Long walks on the beach with Charles’ hand in his were among Erik’s favorite things.

“What do you want to do first, when we get into town?” Charles asked him, even though he knew Erik wasn’t fond of town.

“I’ll leave that up to you, _schatz_ ,” he sighed. Ten days in town was ten days he would rather spend here.

“Oh, come now, there must be something,” Charles chided him. Erik couldn’t help his fond smile.

“I think I’ll help Tom and Em in the shop – although I might not be good for business.”

Charles rolled his eyes. “Erik, this is Ireland. I hardly think anyone cares where you’re from. The people here were smart enough to stay out of the war.”

At that, Erik laughed, though he knew it wasn’t quite true. Even so, Charles never failed to lighten the mood. “Fair enough. What about you, _liebling_? What do you want to do?”

“Well,” Charles ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back only to have the wind whip it up again. Erik kicked a rock down the beach, watching it get washed up with the surf. “I have to visit with my sister and parents, naturally. But only for a day or two,” he added, at Erik’s expression. The one thing Erik hated more than being in town was separation from Charles.

“I imagine they’ll push me to find a woman to marry,” he sighed, and his grip on Erik’s hand tightened.

“Do they think you’re wasting your time out here?” asked Erik, quietly.

“No,” Charles allowed, “but they do think I could do much more, and I can’t blame them for that.”

Erik had met Charles’ parents and sister once, briefly, before he and Charles had set out on their lightkeeping duties nearly a year ago. They’d only exchanged a few words, and as far as Erik knew, the three gone back to England after seeing off their son and brother. None of them had seemed particularly sad to see him go.

Erik, on the other hand, hated knowing that eventually, he and Charles would have to walk away from one another. All paths forked off in different directions, and they were living different lives.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	8. separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles leaves to visit his family, and Erik doesn't realize how much he needs Charles until he's gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

“I’ll only be gone a couple of days, Erik,” Charles murmured against Erik’s lips, the two of them hidden in the shadows of Tom and Em’s garden. “I promise you I’ll be alright.”

Erik hugged him close enough that he was almost able to feel Charles’ heartbeat, and relished the feeling of their bodies pressed together for what felt like the last time. He rocked them side to side – almost a slow dance, he mused, just without the music. Theirs was illicit fondness.

“If anything happens –”

Charles silenced him with a kiss, firm and insistent. “If anything happens,” he breathed, “I’ll write to you.” In the distance, the ferry’s horn split the silence. _Last call_. Though he knew better, Erik decided to walk with Charles to the pier.

“I’ll see you in two days, okay?”

Erik nodded. “Send your family my regards.”

Walking back up the cobblestone street to Tom’s house, Erik felt well and truly alone for the first time in a very long time. Being alone came with a dull ache in his chest, one he knew well; one Charles could erase with a word or gentle caress.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay also side note because I realized I keep forgetting to include this: Tom & Em are ocs of mine with which Erik & Charles stay when they're on leave from Janus.
> 
> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	9. sailing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik may have left a gift for Charles to remember him by, as though he could ever forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

The sky was clear, the weather much lovelier out on the open sea than was typical on Janus. Charles, sitting on the deck, watched Ireland grow smaller and smaller as the ferry chugged onward, realizing for the first time just how much he missed Erik.

Reaching into his bag for his notebook and pencil with half an intention of writing, Charles’ hand brushed against something he didn’t recognize. Frowning, he pulled it out to find a small rowboat, with two tiny oars inside, tied together to keep them from getting lost. Attached to them was a note in Erik’s handwriting. It took him a moment to decipher the German.

_Ich liebe dich. Erinnere dich dran._

Charles smiled, and tucked the note into a pocket over his heart. The boat he ran fond fingers over, feeling minute details and the tiniest of splinters in the wood.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all the german in this work is from google translate so sorry if it's actually terribly inaccurate.
> 
> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	10. alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik's alone, and he can't help but spend all his time waiting for Charles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

When he wasn’t helping Tom and Em in their shop, Erik spent all his time by the beach, or sitting at the end of the pier where there weren’t any boats.

People cast him enough wary glances as it was, and he quickly grew tired of them. He had long since given up trying to prove to anyone else that he wasn’t a monster. Even in Ireland, it was difficult to earn respect, and the accent and odd relations likely didn’t help. It had been from the goodness of their hearts that Tom and Em had taken him in when he’d first turned up here, a mere month after the war had been declared officially lost and he’d had no home to return to. It’d been pure luck that he’d heard that the Irish Commonwealth needed another lightkeeper.

It’d been pure luck that he’d met Charles, too.

Erik sighed, listening to the waves lap up against the shore behind him. Two more days before Charles returned, he reminded himself. Nine more before they went back to Janus. While Erik hadn’t always been a particularly patient man, he’d learned to take his time with some things. This was one of them.

He watched the water until it grew dark and the streets emptied, then walked back uptown alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	11. marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles realizes that things have changed, and that there are some words he can never say aloud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

“There’s a wonderful girl up the street whom I’m _sure_ would be an excellent fit for you, Charles,” his mother was saying. Charles had been trying and failing to escape from the house all morning. He knew what Erik meant, when he said that there was too much noise and too many trivialities around other people. There was so little understanding, as well.

All she talked about was _marriage_. When she went off on him for being uninterested in making his own family and finding a safer job than his post at Janus with ‘that German’, Charles’ focus often drifted to the now-familiar weight of Erik’s ring in his pocket, and the even heavier weight of what he could never tell her.

It was driving Charles off the wall.

Raven, his sister, was engaged. A banker’s son, handsome and wealthy with his new prospects in the United States. Their wedding was scheduled near the end of Charles and Erik’s next leave from Janus, in six months.

At night, lying alone in his childhood bedroom that now felt so cramped and lonely, Charles slipped Erik’s ring out of his pocket and look at it in the half-light, restlessly fiddling with it until finally, he resolved to stash it in his bag until he could wear it safely. The last thing he wanted was to return to Erik having lost it.

“You’re certain you can’t stay longer?” Charles’ father asked, a couple of hours before Charles’ ferry back to Ireland departed.

“I’m due for an evaluation with the Commonwealth tomorrow,” Charles explained. “If I could stay longer, I would, but –”

“You won’t,” Raven put in. They’d hardly spoken the two days Charles had spent here. She was usually off with her soon-to-be husband, smiling and happy and making their parents prouder than Charles ever would. Things had changed between them, and he doubted they would ever be the same.

Charles hugged each of his parents in turn.

“Be safe out there,” his father said. “Promise me.”

Charles smiled, small and soft. He’d said the same thing before he’d gone off to war. “I will. I promise.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	12. reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles returns to Kilclief, and Erik is overjoyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

Charles had to resist running into Erik’s arms the moment he saw him, waiting on the pier with a smile on his face.

Over dinner that night, Charles explained to Tom and Em that Raven was to be married.

“Oh, who’s the lucky man?” Em teased, suddenly interested. She loved gossip, and Tom, in turn, loved her for it.

“Some banker’s son,” Charles said with a shrug. “He’s rich. Our parents are happy about that.”

Tom and Em never pressed neither Charles nor Erik on the topic of marriage. They understood better than most what one meant to the other. They’d likely seen their stolen moments together, heard exchanged words meant to be secret, and of course they saw the way they looked at one another. They often made it a point to allow the two of them ample time alone.

Better than most, they also offered easy respect and near indifference.

 _Love is where you find it_ , Tom had mentioned to Charles once, a long while ago. Charles had never forgotten those words, often murmuring them to himself on his darkest days.

“When’s the wedding?” asked Tom.

“July,” Charles replied. “I imagine Raven scheduled it so I would have no choice but to attend.”

At this, there was collective laughter.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for not posting in a few days. i went camping. 
> 
> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	13. ease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Charles get to stay on Janus for another five years. And, really, what more could they ask for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

“Well, you both seem as fit and well as any keepers I’ve ever seen,” Coughlan concluded, “and you’ve done a damn fine job keeping that light up and running. We’ll extend your dual contract for another five years.” The slam of a stamp on their joint file, and their fates were sealed. Erik had never looked forward to the future as much as he did when he was with Charles.

“Another five _years_?” Tom laughed later that evening, appalled. “You two must be good.” He clapped Erik on the shoulder. “Come on, Erik, lighten up. Let’s celebrate a little.”

Tom was approaching the point of spectacularly drunk by the time Em guided him upstairs to bed, where, she reported, he was out like a light.

“I’ve never seen him like that,” Charles commented, chuckling.

Erik, smiling, pointed out, “He only had one beer, too.”

Em, threading her hands through her hair to push it out of her face, let out a content sigh. “I sometimes wonder why I ever married him.”

From upstairs, there came a muffled, “I heard that!”

She shook her head. “When do you two go back to Janus?”

“Monday,” said Charles, yawning.

She didn’t have to ask how much longer they were planning on remaining lightkeepers. The three of them sitting at the table and Tom, half-conscious upstairs, knew very well that it would likely be for a long time to come. For Erik, there was no better place he could call home. Janus resonated with him in a way nowhere else could.

He knew that eventually, their time there would come to an end. But that wasn’t for a long, long while.

And as he thought of all the years to come, Erik was hopeful.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	14. janus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles listens more to the lilt of Erik's voice rather than the myth he tells.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

“Janus is where the word January comes from, you know,” Erik’s voice was soft, lilting, equally as soothing a presence as the slight breeze ruffling their clothing and hair. “Named after the same god as this island. He’s got two faces back to back. Always looking both ways; torn between two ways of seeing things. January looks forward to the new year, and back to the old. And this island,” he paused, and Charles glanced up at him, a smile tugging at his lips, “looks in the direction of two different seas.”

Charles closed his eyes, letting the sounds of the sea wash over him, letting Erik’s voice lull him almost to sleep.

When Erik’s hand coursed through his hair, however, he sleepily opened his eyes and smiled, murmuring an, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Erik’s voice seemed to meld with the wind. “Sleep. I’ll wake you up.”

Charles decided to do just that, dropping off to the feeling of Erik’s arms around him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really short but definitely one of my favorite chapters. enjoy!
> 
> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	15. flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment from after the war, when Charles and Erik first find each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

_“This is impossible, you know.”_

_Charles offered him a smile. Erik wondered how he could possibly be so content; gunshots and attrition and the sounds of death still rang in his ears. “I disagree.”_

_“Ill-advised, then.”_

_At this, Charles laughed, and Erik couldn’t help his own smile, slight as it was. For a moment, he forgot about the war entirely, and focused instead on the sound of Charles’ voice. “Take me out to Janus,” he insisted, not for the first time this afternoon and likely not for the last. “There’s no room out there for rumors, if that’s what you’re worried about.”_

_Charles had done his research, naturally. Janus usually had two keepers with alternating duties, but the Commonwealth had yet to find a second keeper to join Erik. “I take it you’ve already applied?” asked Erik, knowingly._

_A shrug. “Of course I have. I didn’t come all this way for nothing, Erik.”_

_Even though he felt like he already knew the answer, Erik asked, “What did you come here for?”_

_Charles gifted him with another one of those smiles. The kind Erik had spent two years dreaming about. “You.”_

_“This is only the second time we’ve met in person. You can’t possibly want to abandon your life for mine.”_

_“Oh, I don’t have any prospects in England,” Charles waved him off. “Besides, I understand full well how valuable being alone is, after everything, but I also know that it won’t be good for either of us. We’ll never be satisfied with exclusively letters.”_

_Erik paused, letting Charles’ words sink in. He turned his gaze to the sea, watching the waves crash down on the beach below them._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	16. interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More and more doubts and uncertainties cross Erik's mind. And yet, he is sure of one thing: his love belongs to Charles alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

The passage of time was a strange thing.

Erik wondered if it was common, feeling as though the war had stolen his life. Or, four years of it, at least. Some days the pain was indescribable. Some days, it hardly crossed his mind.

He wasn’t sure what to make of it.

What if he had done things differently? If he had taken more risks, diverged from the path he’d chosen, would he still be here? Would he and Charles have met in the first place?

They would have ended up on the same road regardless, Erik mused. He’d never considered them meant to be, nor star-crossed lovers, but he knew very well that he wouldn’t be alive had it not been for Charles. Anyone else would have pulled the trigger without hesitation. But Charles? He had seen a wounded man, not an enemy.

They were not innocent. They had fought and killed for causes they hardly believed in now. That didn’t make them evil, but it certainly didn’t make them faultless, either. They were somewhere in between, a place Erik didn’t particularly like being. He preferred the dichotomy of black and white, not the blurred lines and shades of gray defining him now. Like the colors of a storm.  

Erik wondered who he would be in a year’s time. He wondered if their routine, scheduled life on Janus would ever grow tiresome. Most often, he wondered with some semblance of fear if Charles would stay with him.

They could not live the easy, domestic life Erik dreamt about. He wished he could drag out every moment here into infinity, slow down the passage of time consuming him. He wished he never had to leave this island. He wished he and Charles could stay like this, arms wrapped loosely around one another, forever.

Erik closed his eyes, feeling the steady rise and fall of Charles’ chest. There was no point in worrying over things he couldn’t control.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	17. company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Charles and Erik have some unexpected guests on Janus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

“Erik!”

For the briefest of moments, Erik thought he was imagining his name being called. Spending the day tending to the light with nothing but the sounds of the wind and sea around him sometimes did that. He paused, cloth pressed to the glass but halted in action.

“ _Erik!_ ”

Dropping everything, Erik rushed out to the railing, searching for Charles. He spotted him near the small hill they tended to watch sunsets from, waving his arms to catch his attention.

“There’s a boat!” Charles shouted, hands now cupped around his mouth.

Erik’s gaze snapped to the sea, immediately spotting a small dingy washing up on shore. If they didn’t get to it fast enough, it would just as easily be washed back out. Moving swiftly, Erik ducked back inside, dropped down from the hatch, and went down the light’s hundred spiral stairs with such haste that he was dizzy by the time he got to the bottom.

They made it to the beach at the same time, splashing through the water to grab hold of the dingy before it could float too far away.

“There’s someone inside,” Charles shouted over the noise of the sea, breathless.

“Help me push it onto shore!” Erik yelled back, grabbing hold of the thing with both hands and yanking it towards him. Charles sloshed his way through the saltwater quickly, pushing at the back of the small craft.

Once they reached the sand, Erik leaned over the side of the boat. A man – a man and a _baby_ , of all things. He felt for a pulse; for anything, any sign of life –

“He’s alive!” Erik drew back, the force of the water nearly knocking him backwards. The baby was crying weakly, swaddled in blankets and an old coat. “Take the baby,” he told Charles. “Get it inside.” Gently, Charles picked it up and, cradling it in his arms, walked slowly towards the house so as not to disturb it any further. Neither of them knew how hurt the boat’s occupants were, nor how long they’d been out at sea exposed to the elements.

The man reached out at Erik’s arm with a weak grasp – weak, but alive. In a raspy voice, he asked, “Where am I?”

“You’re on Janus Rock,” Erik told him. “My name’s Erik –”

“My baby,” the man said, with a sudden insistent energy. He sat up all at once and far too quickly for someone in his condition, severely dehydrated and sunburned. “Where is she?”

“She’s fine,” Erik assured him, although he couldn’t know that for sure. He glanced over his shoulder to check that Charles was heading back to safety. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

Slowly, they hobbled towards the cottage. It was a relief for everyone when they finally stumbled inside and Erik helped the man collapse into a chair. Charles was standing in the kitchen, someone else’s baby in his arms, looking bewildered and searching Erik for guidance. Luckily, Erik wasn’t the one who had to provide it, as the man took his baby from Charles’ arms before anything could be said.

“Who are you?” asked Charles, coming to stand next to Erik. “How did you wash up here, of all places?”

“This – this is Janus Rock, you said?” His voice was barely above a dry rasp. Charles brought him a glass of water, which was gone in a matter of seconds.

Erik nodded, noting his strange accent. Strange, yet Erik found an equally as odd familiarity in it. “East of Kilclief, Ireland.”

A look of relief swept over the man’s features. “I didn’t float too far from home, then,” he said, with a nervous laugh to his tone. “I’m Frank. Frank Roennfeldt.”

“Frank, what are you doing all the way out here?” Charles asked again. Erik was taking as many mental notes as possible, and knew Charles was doing the same.

“Well, I’m not entirely sure how it happened,” Frank admitted. His baby started crying again and he shushed her back to stillness, murmuring, “Shh, Grace, it’s alright now.” He paused. “I’m Polish, you see. Not exactly popular anywhere, really. Too close to being German. The townspeople didn’t exactly like my marrying the daughter of one of the richest folks in town. They drove me out of my home and into that boat, with Grace here. _Hannah_. Hannah – god, I’ve got to get back to her –”

 _Too close to being German_ , Erik thought, and with a sudden angry barb he snapped, “I’ll go send out a signal.” He didn’t so much as think about the door slamming shut behind him, nor leaving Charles alone with a strange man and his baby.

Even on Janus, isolated from anywhere else but the sea, it seemed Erik was not safe from disparaging comments against his race. He found that the familiarity of the light soothed his temper; stilled his shaking hands as he sent out the promised signal.

_Rowboat washed up on shore. Stop. Man and baby inside. Stop. Alive. Stop. From Kilclief. Stop. Name is Frank Roennfeldt. Full stop._

Erik waited a few minutes for a return signal. All it said was, _Seas too rough for travel now. Stop. Ship coming in morning. Full stop._

Sighing, Erik set the light to its usual turning, recording the day’s events and weather in the logbook.

_Dingy washed up on shore about 18:00. There was a man and his baby inside. Says his name is Frank Roennfeldt, that he’s Polish, and married to a rich man’s daughter back on Kilclief. Seas became rough as of 19:00; choppy and untravellable, with ten-foot waves coming in. Dark stormfront on the horizon. I imagine it’ll be a rough night for the now four of us here. Ship’s coming in the morning to take Frank and his daughter back to Kilclief._

Erik made his way down the stairs, securing the door after him, and walked back to the house.

“I’ll have to stay with the light tonight,” Erik told Charles. “There’s a storm coming.” Turning to Frank, he added, “Ship’s coming to get you in the morning.” He hung up his coat, making a point of taking off Charles’ ring. Charles, catching on, did the same with Erik’s. It wouldn’t do to have Frank going back to Kilclief and spreading rumors about them. To the public eye, they must remain nothing more than dutiful lightkeepers.

Janus was unequipped for guests, and Erik wasn’t about to let a stranger sleep in his bed, so he directed Frank to the couch while Charles rigged up a makeshift crib for Grace, who by this time was fast asleep in her father’s arms.

“I’ll keep an eye on the place,” Charles murmured, pressing a kiss to Erik’s lips as he once more donned coat and hat to wait out the storm with the light. “Be safe.”

Erik smiled. “I will.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if it's really like this but this chapter seems a little disjointed to me. i wanted to weave in some more elements of the light between oceans into this, most specifically frank roennfeldt and hannah potts, so. yeah.
> 
> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	18. ivy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank and Grace are happily reunited with Hannah, and all ends well, more or less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

Charles recognized Erik’s exhausted, shoulders-slumped frame the moment he walked through the door and mumbled an early-morning pleasantry he likely didn’t feel. Staying with the light without ten minutes of sleep was no easy task, Charles knew well. He pressed a mug of coffee into Erik’s hands.

“You know me too well,” Erik murmured with a smile, their brief touch lingering. Charles moved to the window, keeping an eye out for the ship, while Erik sat tiredly at the table and sipped at his coffee.

“Ship’s coming,” Charles announced, upon catching sight of a familiar plume of steam rising into the air. Frank scooped baby Grace into his arms and Erik, reluctant to abandon his coffee, stood with another yawn.

There was a woman onboard Ralph and Bluey’s supply boat, dark-haired and looking very expectant. She was so eager to disembark that she was stepping off before Charles had finished tying off the ship to Janus’ small dock, and would have fallen into the water had Erik’s excellent reflexes not steadied her.

“Frank, oh god, _Frank_ – I thought you were dead, I thought you and Grace had –” She turned abruptly to Charles and Erik, hugging each of them in turn. “Thank you, thank you so much, I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t saved them.”

“Hannah Potts,” Ralph explained, as Bluey helped the newly reunited couple onboard. “You know her father?”

“Name sounds familiar,” Erik allowed. Charles nodded his agreement.

“Septimus. He’s wealthy. Filthy wealthy, really – more money than he knows what to do with. Lives on the east side of Kilclief.” Ralph scratched his beard. “Hannah met Frank over there right after the war, though he never fought in it like you two, and y’know, they decided they wanted to be married. Septimus didn’t approve of Hannah marrying a poor Polish boy, but she did anyways. He cut off everything. Every blessing, every penny he’d promised her.” Ralph shrugged. “Shame, but they seem happy.”

“Ready to go, Ralph?” Bluey called.

“One more thing,” Ralph said, digging around in his pocket and producing two letters. He handed them to Charles. “One from Em and Tom, one from Coughlan. Anyways, see you in a couple of months, eh?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	19. untersuchung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles and Erik get some worrying news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

_Charles & Erik, _

_Word’s been going around town that the Commonwealth’s leading some sort of investigation of Janus in the coming weeks. Erik, I know you’re gonna lose your temper the moment you read this, but half the town doesn’t believe you’re just a lightkeeper. And as much as I hate saying it, we all know it’s because you’re German._

_Anyways. Thought I should let you know, because I know the last thing you want is any more surprises. Whole town’s been going on and on and on about that Roennfeldt fella, too. Some – myself and Em included – say you’re heroes for saving that poor man and his baby. Others are wondering rather loudly why you didn’t let them drown._

_Hope Janus isn’t treating the pair of you too roughly. And – good luck._

_Tom (and Em)._

“Was zum Teufel? Ein _Untersuchung_? Was im Namen Gottes –”

Charles soothed Erik without having to say a thing. “It’s _alright_ , Erik. Chances are it’s only for a day, and besides, you and I and Coughlan know you’re a good man.”

Erik scoffed. “Yes, well, I imagine I’ll have a tough time impressing that upon a bunch of Irishmen.” He picked up Coughlan’s letter, skimming it for information before handing it to Charles and rubbing both hands across his face. Janus was supposed to be a _respite_ , not – not this.

“‘Myself and three Commonwealth officials will be coming for an evaluation of the island and its keepers,’” Charles read, brow furrowing. With a sudden change of heart, he said, “I don’t like this.”

“Neither do I,” Erik sighed. Resigned to their fate, he added, “But we have to deal with it.”

“I don’t understand – Coughlan evaluated us a _month_ ago. Why the sudden interest? If it’s entirely because you’re German, I’m going to kick someone.”

Erik folded the letters and placed them in the drawer with all the other letters they’d received – most of which were for Charles from his parents, or from Tom and Em writing to see how they were getting along. Turning to Charles, he said,

“Let’s go for a walk. I need to clear my head.”

Hand-in-hand, they ambled down the beach, walking past Frank’s dingy now half-buried in the sand, tugging each other up rocks, and finally settling on their usual hill to watch the sunset. By that time, Erik had almost forgotten about Coughlan and the investigation, instead focused on Charles stretched out in the grass alongside him.

“I like your hair like this,” Charles murmured, leaning over him. His fingers were gentle as they swam through Erik’s lengthier-than-usual hair with hardly the ghost of a touch. “You keep it so short I never knew it was curly.”

Erik smiled softly. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

“Mm? Like what? Try me.”

Overwhelmed with fondness, Erik decided to humor him, a hand at the base of Charles’ spine and tracking slowly upwards. “What’s my favorite color?”

“Blue,” said Charles, without hesitation. “Blue like the sea at first light.”

“What’s my favorite book?”

Charles rolled his eyes. “That’s a trick question. You don’t have one, remember? You told me so in a letter.”

“I’m surprised you recall,” Erik laughed, as Charles settled half on his chest.

“I know you don’t like peaches – which is _stupid_ , honestly, who doesn’t like peaches – and I know when you’re frustrated you talk in German instead of English without realizing it, and you doodle in the margins of paper when you can’t think of anything to write. And,” Charles finished, mouthing at Erik’s jaw and earning a hitched breath in response, “I know you love me.”

Erik would remember this moment. The two of them pressed so close there was hardly an inch of space between them, Charles’ hands on him and his hands on Charles, the sound of the wind and the sea swirling around them, and Janus’ pale evening half-light.

“Never doubt my love for you.” Softly spoken, like the whisperings in the breeze.

Charles kissed him so passionately Erik felt like he was drowning in the most wonderful way, like he needed Charles more than he needed air.

“I’ll love you until the end of the world, my dear,” Charles whispered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


	20. my half

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All's well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly inspired by [m.l. stedman's _the light between oceans_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_Between_Oceans), as well as the [film adaptation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3uULkvZh1w).

“Hold still.” Charles dragged the razor down Erik’s face, half-sitting on his lap with one hand having taken a gentle hold on his love’s jaw.

“You know, _schatz_ , I can shave myself,” Erik pointed out, and Charles took a moment to admire his smile. “But, if you insist.”

“ _Well_ ,” said Charles, rolling his eyes, “you hardly ever do a respectable job.”

Erik grumbled something under his breath at that, which Charles faintly recognized as indignantly-toned German. He smiled softly, tilting Erik’s head back, brow now furrowed with focus. Erik’s hands settled on Charles’ waist, doing nothing more than keeping him where he was. They were hardly ever far apart; always touching in one way or another. It’d been that way from the beginning.

“There,” Charles sat back, pleased with his handiwork. “You look like a new man.” Erik wiped off his face, eyes going a little wide when he saw his reflection in the mirror Charles held up.  

“It’s… strange,” he laughed. “I like it.”

Charles took his hand and tugged him up, saying, “Let’s camp outside tonight.”

“Charles…” Erik was hesitant, but intrigued, that smile still tugging at his lips.

“Come on, it’ll be a clear night,” Charles persisted. “There’s not a cloud in the sky, it’s warm, and we hardly ever stargaze anymore.”

Taking only a moment to consider, Erik nodded. “Alright. We’ll have to set the light first, though.”

They ambled around Janus for a time, climbing hills and chasing each other down the beach, trying to soak the other with the sea’s icy water. When it grew dark, Erik departed to set the light and Charles ducked inside the cottage for a few blankets, then met Erik at the bottom of the stairs.

Erik spread out the blankets on their favorite hill, and before long Charles had eased him into his arms, laying back on the earth and listening to the sea, stiller tonight than usual.

“Du meinst mir mehr als alle Sterne am Himmel,” Erik murmured, gentle fingers tucking stray hair behind Charles’ ear. Charles adored the lilt to his voice when he spoke in German; how easily the words rolled off his tongue and met Charles’ uncomprehending ears.

Voice no louder than Erik’s, Charles inquired, “What does that mean?”

Erik smiled, kissing him before replying. “You mean more to me,” his hushed whisper of a tone sent shivers down Charles’ spine, “than all the stars in the sky.”

Charles lifted his head to kiss him again, their fingers intertwined and legs tangled. When Erik broke away, it was to breathe, “Dein licht ist so viel heller als das der Sterne.” Charles was too distracted by the feeling of Erik leaning over him, a hand tracing along his side, to ask what he’d said, but Erik translated for him. “Your light is so much brighter than that of the stars.”

“I love you,” Charles murmured, speaking against Erik’s lips rather than against the open air.

“Ich liebe dich auch, meine Hälfte.”

Meine Hälfte. _My half_.

Charles had never quite realized just how much he needed Erik until this moment. They were like lightning and the accompanying thunder – one could not exist without the other. Charles almost wished he could make it last forever; stretch this one instant out into a thousand and watch it all tick slowly by.

Then again, he reminded himself, they had all the time in the world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this little rambling of mine is an expression partly of what i feel and have felt, and partly what i dream of. the janus rock written by my hand is fictitious, as are the circumstances, but i hope they feel just as real to you as they do to me. 
> 
> there are many more sides to this story i could still tell, and in time i might. this story is one that resonates with me as strongly as janus resonates with charles and erik, and i am amazed that so many people have read and enjoyed it - and i'd like to thank you for leaving your love in the comments. it makes everything worth it. 
> 
> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://njghthawks.tumblr.com/).


End file.
